Confessions of my Ugly Heart

Confessions of my Ugly Heart

This week's blog differs from my regular blogs. I had set out to write a very simple lesson learned from a word picture from the Lord. However, He had different plans this morning. He exposed my ugly heart.

So, I am confessing my ugly heart here.

If you had asked me the condition of my heart before this exposure, I would have said it was doing pretty good. And frankly, if you had consulted my friends and family, they also would have agreed with my assessment.

But the Lord and His mercy showed me the current condition of my heart with a single question. My family has someone close to us who has not yet made Jesus their Lord. She confesses that she's a Christian, but the Lord has repeatedly, over the years, had me pray for her and her salvation.

He asked me this one simple question, and it set a bomb off in my heart.

“How much must you hate someone to know them and yet let them go to hell?”

Instantly, I knew who He was speaking of, and I knew where my heart was. I didn't want to be inconvenienced. I didn’t want to spend my already depleted energy on a person I found difficult.

My heart lacked compassion; it was apparent I had no intention of wanting to work beyond what was convenient to me.

I had believed the lie of the enemy that there is an easy button to life and that I should desire to push it. This is a lie straight from hell. All good and worthy things require effort. Effort beyond what we currently possess. Effort, strength, and wisdom that can only be obtained through complete and immediate submission to Christ.

I am ashamed to confess my ugly heart.

On the other hand, I am excited to see what God will do with my honest and humble confession. God will birth something new from it. Not because I deserve to receive a reward for acknowledging my ugly heart, but just because that's how Christ’s overwhelming grace works.

He rewards us for humbling ourselves.

“But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” (James 4:6, ESV)

Maybe you’ve been keeping your heart secret from the Lord. Desiring to maintain the status quo. Unwilling to expose what you don’t want to look at. Believe me, I get it.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart!

    Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me,

    and lead me in the way everlasting!” (Psalm 139:23-24, ESV)

This was a bold prayer of David’s. Consider making it your own. Exposure may seem scary, but it’s the first necessary step toward freedom.

Don’t let the enemy keep you bound and ineffective. Break free and live boldly the way God designed you to.

•          Dare to do difficult things

•       Dare to rely on Christ whole-heartedly

•         Dare to expose your ugly heart

Prayer for you and me: Lord, bring into remembrance those you want us to pray for their salvation and to do life with them. We desire to partner with You and do the deep and hard things of life to bring You glory and to bring Your children home. In Jesus’ name. Amen.