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  • Writer's pictureHeather Roberts

The Illusion of Control, Shattered.

Illusion of Control

 “What? That is the weirdest misshapen boat I have ever seen,” I snorted. Half cruise-liner and half battleship.”

What a wild vision the Lord had given me. The beautiful fun colors and designs of the cruise ship ran smack dab into the hard grey bulk of the battleship. Every square inch was meant for war, and every inch of the cruise ship was meant for joy. How the two co-existed boggled my mind. I looked around.

“What are you showing me, Lord? I know I am supposed to learn something from this vision, but what?”

Before my words finished leaving my mouth, I plunged overboard and sank down darker and darker as we went. Dread, filled my being just as sure as ice water would have filled my lungs if I had opened my mouth. I hit bottom. Unable to see, and felt the floor give way under my weight. The pressure was immense all around and within my body.

 “I need You,” I screamed. The words echoed within my mind, every fiber of me desperate for relief.

I was pulled slowly half way up to the surface, in my estimations where it was dark gray and my vision failed to fully operate. Fear of the unknown surrounded me. What creature lurked nearby, ready to attack at any moment?

“Heather, it is all an illusion.”

“What? The ocean? The boat? What?”

“On the cruise ship you are deluded into believing you deserve every luxury and your role as a mother and wife is to provide entertainment. On the battleship side, you believe you need to be the mama bear and take on every threat, real or imaginary. You waste your energy and resources in both endeavors. They are illusions. But the largest illusion of all is that you believe that you are in control and don’t need Me when you are on the ship, your familiar territory. You only cry out when you feel you are outside of what you can control or outside what feels comfortable or known to you. At all times in joy, in the battle, and in all aspects of your life, you need Me. That desperate cry from the depth of your being should be your daily cry.”

Shudders wracked my body as I cried into my hands. I couldn’t help but think what a mess I had made again. I breathed in and out slowly to invite my heart to slow down, while my mind wrestled with this new knowledge.

“Yes, I repent of that whole jumbled chaos. Everything You said is true. I repent of holding tight to the illusion of control.”

“I don’t want you to live a life you feel you can control. I want you to seize the life I have designed for you.”

 A smile managed to peek out from my tear-stained face. “I’m going to need you to teach me how to do that.” Peace permeated me, as the realization that God’s steadfast mission to heal my heart would not cease until He completed the good work within me. He will pursue your heart with that same faithfulness.

Prayer for the both of us:

Lord Jesus, Your wisdom staggers me. Your strength is my strong tower. Help me see my reality. I want to praise when I should praise. I want to go to battle when a war is needed. Grant me Your wisdom, reveal Your plans for my life and my children so I don’t use my precious resource of time, energy and love on useless things. In Jesus, name. Amen.

“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 1:6, NIV)

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