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  • Writer's pictureHeather Roberts

Empty Drawers, Hope Deferred

Empty Drawers, Hope Deferred

            I entered a room and saw a brown simple wooden chest of drawers. The drawers begged me to open them. I frantically pulled one after another—empty. They stuck to my hands and then impossibly to my body. Their weight crushed me. Panic took over. I awoke twisted up in my sheets, but fell back asleep almost immediately. In the morning, the Lord spoke to me.  

            “Did you want me to enter the dream with you?”

            I didn’t even open my mouth to say yes, and the Lord revealed the meaning.

            He explained the empty drawers are my hopes. The name of the chest of drawers is disappointment. During my son’s illness, I had been searching desperately for what I needed—his full health, salvation from sickness. None of it materialized. I begged without ceasing, all my friends prayed, my family stormed the throne room of God for us, and nothing.

            An on-line dictionary defines disappointment as sadness or displeasure caused by non-fulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations. Disappointment perfectly described my situation—hope deferred.

            He spared me the hardening of my heart. I know it was only by the grace of God that I cried out to Him, in feeble praise. Still in the hospital, I would sneak to the shower and sing songs of praise to Him through my tears. At night when we had to wake sometimes every hour I would squeak out simple phrases of praise: God is merciful. God is righteous in all His ways. Some would say it was my noble heart that made this possible, but I know the truth. Only by His infinite love for me did He give me the gift of praise. I’m not sure how much pain it spared, but I know without Him something inside of me would have died. No one can withstand that amount of pain without change—but God.

            This dream explained what He had spared me from. When we as humans become desperate, our decimated hearts seek anything to ease the pain. Desperation makes us feel vulnerable, but righteous anger feels empowering. We want something or someone to blame so we might unleash righteous anger on them. Righteous by our standards, that is, but not the Lords. We do not have the right to judge or retaliate. We relinquished that right when we accepted the way of the Cross. Full surrender to the loving Father, He is the only one who is righteous enough to pass judgment.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick,

But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12, NASB)

            My husband and I will need to confront the medical personnel who chose to lie instead of admit their ignorance, but we can only do this in love. We must relay this information to this doctor so that it might never occur again to another child. When we are at perfect peace, the Lord will reveal how best to do this.

Prayer for you and me:

Jesus, thank You for Your infinite wisdom. You save us from ourselves. Thank You, again for Your mercy and faithfulness which reach to the stars. Move in our hearts so that we might choose Your way and not our own. Thank You for protecting us from ourselves. In Jesus, name. Amen.


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